So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
