did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
