I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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