I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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