HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
