dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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