If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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