I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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