What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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