How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
