she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
