They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
