do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
