The maid of honor just puked.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
