It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
