I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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