I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
