I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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