and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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