evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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