Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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