My first STD was from a foam party
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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