So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
