people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
