I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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