She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
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Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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