C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
