Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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