If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
