My pussy is not your playground.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
