he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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