What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
