im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
