how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
