I hate all girls vehemently.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
