Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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