You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
