I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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