She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
