I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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