I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
