Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
