Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
