Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the day after is always just damage control
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
