A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
