Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
