where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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