so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
