just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
