Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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