Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My penis needs a shock collar
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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