i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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