Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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