Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
