Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
