it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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