i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
