Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
