I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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