This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
