I'm eating all of the evidence.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
