Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
