you guys were way drunker than both of me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
