thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
