My underwear smells like fireworks.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
