She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
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i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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