I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
