he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
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I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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