I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
