New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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