girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
