just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
