Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
