ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
