so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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