im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
