I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
