Whod you bang
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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