Where are you?
In a non slutty way
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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