So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
