Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
