I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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