I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
