Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
