i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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